Trying to do a conference call while my meth neighbor screams and throws a couch down the stairs. I gotta post something. Just write something that sucks. Break the seal and post more freely. And here’s the squirrel out back going after my squash. Not eating the ripe ones he ripped apart already. It’s the young green new squash. Fucking prick. Fucking dick ass squirrel.
My neighbor was gonna shoot that squirrel. His name’s Eugene. The squirrel not the neighbor. My neighbor was gonna shoot Eugene with a pellet gun. I talked him out of it. Eugene was picking walnuts from the neighbor’s tree. He’d sit on the rail of their deck. It’s pinewood or Doug fir with a matte varnish. And the squirrel sits on it. Chews the green rinds off the nuts. The rinds have an inky black substance. It stains the wood. But I told him look man, you have walnuts growing. Shit like this will happen. Animals are gonna eat the nuts. If not him someone else.
The raccoon brings them over to the water bowl I put out for the cat. The raccoon peels and washes the nuts in the bowl. So I wake up and there are inky black rind fragments in the bowl. And the squirrel cracks open the hard sharp shells and drops them where I walk barefoot. I forget what I said that worked. But he didn’t shoot Eugene. This is how you repay me.
I picked 96 pounds of squash. I eat squash every day. I promised some to people. Have to pick which ones to give them. I don’t give the best. The huge blimp size squash bigger than the professional ones from the grocery store. Don’t give small misshapen ones either– you want to give a good representation. I carefully pick medium squash that should be in a still life painting spilling out of a cornucopia.
But I have this covetous Rumpelstiltskin feeling. I shouldn’t give any of it. It’s mine. Don’t want them to pretend to like it. And then they don’t cook it. It just rots. I want them to prepare it carefully. I want them to savor its golden color. Think of me and how great I am.
Eugene sits on the fence at dawn in winter. I’m out there to pray and he reminds me of God. My insignificance. God, I say. Please help me remember I’m just one of your creatures. Just doing what you made me for. Whatever I have, take it.
Eugene
fucking hate squash