Bloop Bloop Bloop

If you end up like me it’s not so bad. But I failed. I tried hard to meet and marry a woman for 30 years. I couldn’t do it. I can’t like them and have them like me at the same time, without it blowing up.

My options now are tropical places with horny poor women. Which is not bad. Not unappealing at all. I need about $250K more to do this. I have a path to get there.

There’s deep sadness like a physical pain. Like a sore on your gums. Something you feel as 1 out of 10 most of the time. Then it flares up when you bite a carrot. I got away from it for a minute. Now I’m feeling it. Not an urgent burning house feeling, like I felt most days those 30 years. It’s a harbinger of death feeling. White hairs on a dog’s muzzle. Like it’s too late. The relief of giving up is real. But the thing that will kill you, that you used to agitate yourself to escape, is still there. It just won.

It won, and it is what it is. There are good aspects. Like my savage OCD, hideous tormenting bicameral inner voices and depression etc. etc. won’t be propagated. That’s good. But also nice eyes and a good size brain. Oh well.

I’ll find another way to serve the world, the next generation, and it’s really not so bad. Completely tolerable. I enjoy getting out of bed and looking at the flowers.

But you don’t want to end up here.

Deep sadness like physical pain seeing Costa Rican couples on the beach, the guy’s bald, the woman has that luxurious long Mutiny on the Bounty tropical maiden hair, their one kid’s building a sand castle or digging a pit or something, and their little one, still in a diaper, is running around yelling BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP. Running in circles and figure eights, they’re watching her laughing and they hug each other. Motherfucker. Bloop bloop bloop she says.

No bloop bloop bloop for me.

The big complaint people had about me had no merit. It was why should I take advice from you. You’re a loser, etc. They say this because everyone tells you how to live. I never did this. I just reported my experience.

But this one time I’ll tell you what to do.

Don’t let her go.